Worst Jokes Ever
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.