Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
No one shuts up about them.
What is the part of school with all the autistic people called? Downtown.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬
Did you hear about the Chinese student?
Me neither.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Paper.
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
Why was it wrong to throw my Chinese friend down the stairs?
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.