Worst Jokes Ever

You smell like you farted hard. A, B, Honor Roll, all F’s, you retarded!

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?

Because they are afraid of American airdrops.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.

Damn, I love being a sniper.

What did the girls on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

"Could you move? Your sun is in my son."

I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.

What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?

A homeless shelter.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

What are two things you could call a fart?

"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"