Worst Jokes Ever
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
¿Qué hizo el cartero enojado?
Estampó su feeeeeeet!!!
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
"Dick dick dick, fuck dick nugget shit."
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.