Worst Jokes Ever
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
What is Mr. Incredible's biggest fan now called? Down Syndrome :)
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.