*karen walks into MCcdonalds lady at the counter:HI what can I get for you today?? Karen:i want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE lady at the counter:yes miss Karen:I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS lady at the counter:*sweats* Karen:THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW SKINY NOODLE
Yesterday i saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no so i asked him if he needed help. And he said yes so i let him in my car and said dont worry you’ll be home with you parents soon. He said my parents died. I said i know.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, i said: "Hey can i borrow that?" he says "yes" me over here walking to the cashier and saying: "goodbye" he screams: "HAVE MERCY!" I say: "No not to you, to me. say goodbye" he says: "No don't shoot yourself" it was to late.
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this this is Dave from the Orphanage, you make em we take em, how may I be of service?
Violence isn't the answer. It's the question, so the answer is yes.
Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question. Johnny:What? Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty? Johnny: Yes ofc jesus mad everbody wonderfully! Ex: Awhh! Johnny: But who ever made you was painting tomas the train while making your face.
Dad:Are you Gay? Kid:Yes. 10 days later. Kid:I’m going to my girlfriends house. Dad: I thought you were gay.? Kid:What’s wrong with you he’s the girly girl of our relationship dumba—Dad:Don’t swear and okay bud
I'm sick of crying;tired of trying;yes,i'm still smiling;inside I'm dying
One day i visited my friend in a hospital I remember when i spoke "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but i know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight" Yes, i talked about heart monitor beside him
why cant orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes
My best friend is an orphan and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz "
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago and matter cannot be created or destroyed there for we are all technically 16.8 billion years old so to answer your question officer yes she is of age
I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb so I asked "are you an orphan?" "Yes" he replied "what gave me away?" He asked "your parents" I said.
Student: a plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left? Teacher: 203 Student: how do you put an elephant in the fridge? Teacher: You can't Student: yes you can, open fridge door put elephant in. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Teacher: open door put in giraffe? Student: no, take out elephant put in giraffe. The lion king is having a party, who isn't there? Teacher: let me guess, the lion Student: no the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge. Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how? Teacher: she stepped on the alligators? Student: no the alligators are at the party, Sally dies anyway, how? Teacher: she frowned? Student: no, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire
Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes
Bick: Jesus isn't real. Ron: Yes he is. Bick: Prove it, bitch. Ron: Cussing is a in. Open the curtains. Bick: Wh- Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT.
The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.
Ron: Fuck you, Jesus. Bick: Told you Jesus was real. Satan: Get to work, slaves.
Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook she literally posts everyday but this day was sort kind of a hard hit. so what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85 and i dont want to explain what milf means but she got a lot of DM ́s from a lot of old guys. BUT, This one exact guy names Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do a adult film. idk what that is i think its a adult movie of course so she says yes and flys out to San Diego And she never came back after yesterday. and to YOU Johnny Sins my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be a adult movie and not a Por...
"Oh waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why yes"
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
