Wolverine jokes

I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...