So a husband and a wife have three kids. the husband is on his death bed and he looks up at his wife and says. "Honey, is our youngest song truly and honestly mine?" She says in response. "I sware on everything that is good and holy our youngest son is your" He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breathe, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit. Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips 🥰. Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting 😍. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong 🥵.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, “The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis.” 🥰
The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn...
And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.
I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Her husband prepares them l a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position. She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis. The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,
“Honey if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of you’re mind.”
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up Johnny said when he grows up hes going to be A motherfuking Hustler he's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a rolls- Royce and he's also going to have apartment in the City where his side bitch is going to live he's going to buy her expensive jewelry whatever she wants cars diamonds clothes shoes the teacher didn't know what to say so she calls on Sally what do you want to be when you grow up? Sally said I want to be Johnny's bitch.
a little girl said one day " grandmas gonna die tonight". the next morning the girl's grandmother's body was found. that day she said again " Grandpas gonna die tonight" sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning. that day she said " daddy's gonna die tonight." the girls father was terrified. he lay shaking the entire night. somehow, he survived until morning. his wife came into the room crying. he asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good because my wife's a fat cold bitch.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like bitch we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Not a joke but still dc
I jump off a cliff and said i hate u dumb blond and eagle...Then i said to my wife were done Blondie and said to my friend ur a dumbhead eagle!.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children. So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
If your wife says: “what would you most like to do to my body?”, “identify it” is the wrong answer.
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.
Me: a lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant. Friend: like what? Me: my name, my address, my phone number...
