Why jokes
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Why can't orphans be gay? They have nobody to call "daddy."
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.
Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why do orphans hate p*rn hub?
They always see a stepdad and stepsis.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.
Why did my brother cross the road?
Because he was looking for his brain.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because seven ate nine.
But 10 was afraid, why? Because it was in between 9 and 11.
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
Why did the twin towers complain to the pizza restaurant?... Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and got plain.
Why do orphans love McDonald's?
Because the initials are like "mother" and "father."
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't run home.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.