Whos jokes
Knock knock!
Who is it?
Knock.
Knock who?
Knock you.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
Bob has no arms.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"It's not Bob."
Memes
LOLđ€Ł
"Demon Slayer" is yay, and who's your favorite in "Demon Slayer"?
Who wants a spot of bukkake for bedtime?
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.
Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
Hello, are you there?
Yes, who are you?
My name is Watt.
Whatâs your name?
Wattâs my name.
Yes, what is your name?
My name is John Watt.
John What?
Yes, are you Jones?
No, Iâm Knott.
Will you tell me your name?
Will Knott.
Why not?
My name is Knott.
Not what?
Not Watt, Knott!
*hangs up*
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, âWho the frick are you talking about? Since I donât know them, I got a surprise for you!â She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?
Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?
Friend 1: Nope, guess again!
Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...
Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D