A Man: I must confess father Priest: what are you her to confess A Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son Priest: and what happened to your son A Man: He said a man raped him Priest: when and where did this happened A Man: a local church, idk which one Priest...by whom? A Man: A priest he said, he said the priest had black hair and blue eyes. kind of like you Priest: ...shit
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree which one hits the ground first Apple cuz The Noose stops her
Q: Ten shepherds out in the sheep field. How do you know which one's gay? A: He's the one the sheep fuck!
(I'm gay. And I know this joke is demeaning and inappropriate. But I still think it's funny as a 2-inch penis.)
If two feminazis are carpet munchers which one in the lesbian relationship cooks? They both don't because both of the carpet munchers are too busy eating each other's pussy ๐ ๐คช ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ฅ ๐ญ ๐ค ๐ฎ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ฅฐ โบ๏ธ
Teacher, there is 3 birds 1 gets shot how many are left.
Student, non they flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, acautly 2 but i like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there is 3 women eating ice cream 1 licking it 1 drinking it melted and 1 sucking it which one is married.
Teacher,the one sucking it?
Student, no the one with the ring but i like the way you think.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men sheโd had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed sheโs holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said thatโs my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesnโt talk to him anymore because he had sex with the bossโs daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said Thatโs the last time I use ancestry.com
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,.....Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
i saw my girlfriend walking by i told her wow you look so beautiful and then we started to talk then someone came behind me, she said what are you doing i said im flirting and i remember i was talking to my mom and my girlfriend was HER MOM which is my sister but my girlfriend/sister IS MY WIFE but my mom is my wife too looks like im getting a divorced but which one my girlfriend my mom
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
