Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.
I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.
We started playing rocket league.
Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
