me: the last time I used DUOLINGO was WHEN THE DINOSAURS WENT EXTINCT.
duolingo: lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: I don't use condoms I use my drawbridge.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self control
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.
My Mom said she's going to kill me if i dont stop using my compu
So a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex, when he gets to the bar he brags about the different sex positions they used and one of the guys says "oh did you do head" and he responded with no I couldn't find the head
what does the trump adminstration use instead of emails? alternative fax
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called 'serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude come on you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
yo mama so fat she have to use pillow cases for socks
i dont struggle with depression, im used to it
I might slide up to your block with intelligence I'm a genius with a glock There's some relevance Took his chain, took his rocks Took his sediments There's no cap inside my speech No impediments Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared Why didn't he buss it back?
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot, and are just going move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address
What do lesbians love to use in art class? Scissors.
Osama be like: fuck boys runway is full better use this tower
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
