Twos jokes

What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?

An Oreo.

Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.

Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

Why are people from New York so bad at chess?

Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

A Juan on Juan.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.

Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

A: HeHe.

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.

The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

I have big balls, said the kid holding two soccer balls.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Why are Americans so bad at Chess?

They're missing two towers.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.