Thereness jokes

There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.

There is an upside to being an orphan.

Every bag of chips is family size.

I was at the beach today, and there was a big wave.

Somebody went, "Damn, that crashed harder than the Twin Towers." Jack may have survived the towers, but not the crash.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Q: Knock, knock? Who’s there? A: Boo. A: Boo who? Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!

Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.

One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Not the two Twin Towers.

Roses are red, Epstein's face turned blue.

Trump's on that list, And there's nothing he can do.

I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!

This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?

"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

'cus there was only a stairway to heaven!

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve!

Hey there, wanna buy some chromosomes?

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

There is a room of men: Jamal, David, and Afzul. "Jamal is black," "David is white," and "Afzul is a Pakistani." Who set off the bomb?

Afzul, it's clearly him cause he's a Pakistani...

Why can't there be a gay disabled person?

Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.

Best thing ever right here.

So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.

Dear Grad Parents,

Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.

There will be more information to follow in the coming days.

Thank you.