Thereness Jokes

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one then he/she should stand up. After a minute a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)

'There is no Stephen Hawking' - God (2018)

Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage. Child: But why? Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.

Teacher: where's you homework? Student: at home... Teacher: what's it doing there? Student: having a better time than me.

You walk into a mcdonalds and you ask for some extra mayo and they put to much on there. I say I didn't order a Mc cumshot

What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?

There’s 20 of them

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute" I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen

Then it clicked. "Ah, so that's how you died"

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan. What are they gonna do tell there mum

theres something on your chin no not that one the 3rd row

A man walks into a bar, he takes a seat and asks the barmen if he wanted to hear a blonde joke, the barmen replies before you tell this joke I want to tell you something, see the women over there, she is a black belt in karate, she's blonde , see the bouncer over there he is also a blonde, see the chick over there with that pool que she is also blonde, also I have a shotgun behind the bar i'm blonde, so do you still want to tell your joke? He replies f**k that I ain't explaining the joke 4 times.

There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him