The jokes
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:
TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."
Smart kid!
Why do orphans like emos?
Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?
"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."