The jokes
I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
Let's all agree Gwen's the best part of this website.
My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂
I went to the orphanage and yelled "your mama" jokes.
From your mom.
Memes
Why do orphans play GTA?
To be wanted.
Why do orphanages give out free phones?
So you can press the home button.
What's an orphan's most hated show?
The Fosters.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
No one shuts up about them.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to Birds Eye.
I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!
Yo mama is so ugly Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix that!"
Why were the Twin Towers annoyed?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plain.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"
What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
I was in the bank one day, and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright