The jokes

— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?

— No.

— That's the spirit!

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?

A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

Oh wait.

You fool!

Why is the mermaid so dirty?

Because she is a maid, mer-maid!

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.

Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

What did the angry cow say to its enemy?

"We have beef!"

What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?

At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.

A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller.

What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

The cat is still alive.

What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.