The jokes

A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

What’s the length difference between your hairline and Saturn? Nothing.

What is an orphan's first step to the orphanage?

Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

What's the opposite of Jason?

Jasister.

What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?

One gets picked.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

Literally the most popular job: YouTube.

What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?

Adolf Hit-her.

Emo chick: "I wish I could feel dead inside!"

The kid named Dead: "😄😄😄"

How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?

You move the chairs.

When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,

You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

Twitter just blew my mind.

I was having a blast until I ended the stream with a bang!

What’s the difference between Apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

What did the man say about someone who had a seizure?

"Jit was lagging."

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.