The jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.

I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

Yo hairline so bent even Bob the Builder can’t fix it!

Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped, I didn’t laugh, but the floor cracked up.

Why can't orphans use iPhones?

They can't find the home button.

Remember the name Ben Andrews.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

Yo mamma so fat, when she tried to sit down the chair ran away.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.

"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."

-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?

Once they turn 18, they never come back.

You live in the airport.