Still Standing jokes

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

What is the Twin Towers' least favorite song? "I'm Still Standing."

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)

When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

What is a disabled person's least favorite song?

"I'm Still Standing."

If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."

When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

Why do the Twin Towers have Elton John?

Because Elton "IS STILL STANDING".

Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.

Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.