SOS jokes

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"

Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.

Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!

Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!

I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

What did the boy banana say to the girl banana?

"Dang girl, you are so appealing!" 😙

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.

I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.

I got kicked out of flight school, so I decided to learn from the experienced pilots (Isis).

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"

Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the truck, it breaks.

Why is the ocean so salty? Probably because the land doesn't wave back.

Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.