SOS jokes

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?

Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.

Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.

Me: Nah, it's just two tired.

Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.

Poor Uranus, he is so gassy.

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side! Haha, so funny...

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

Yo mama so fat, when she went up the elevator, the World Trade Center collapsed.