SOS jokes

Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.

Your mom's so fat, she don't need to be worldwide, she already is.

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.

Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix you!"

Your mom is so fat that she mains Heavy from the game Team Fortress 2!

Yo mama so fat that when she went to KFC, she asked for the bucket on the roof.

Why do orphans go to church?

So at least they will have someone to call father.

Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?

Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.

Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.

Me: Nah, it's just two tired.

Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.

Poor Uranus, he is so gassy.

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."