you so ugly hello kitty said goodby
You're so ugly Bob the Builder cat can fix you.
You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.
Yo momma's so ugly Thanos had to snap twice.
Your mama so fat, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
your mama so slow she went by a TV and Miss eight episodes
You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
Johnny eats a lot of ham, so he catches lots of spam.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
Your forehead is so big, even Galactus says, "Wow, that's big!"
Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
