SOS jokes

Your forehead is so big you could have put an H for Kobe to land on.

I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.

Why were ET's eyes so big?

Because he saw the phone bill.

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

Yo mama so fat that when she sat on an AirPod Pro, she turned it into an iPad!

Yo mama so fat that Thanos had to snap twice!

Why can’t orphans do homeschool? They don’t have a home to do so.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.

My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.

Your mama so fat she got in to the pool, the water got out and big mama! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!

Yo mama so dumb, when she looked at the light, she said, "Why is the sun so close to me?"

Ahaha, I'm laughing because my friend is so black his mama killed the clown.

Yo mama is so dumb, her reflection said, "Who are you?"

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the pool, the water jumped out!

"You is so black your mama fainted."

Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.

"After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."

This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.

"There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."

Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.

The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.

The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.

Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.

The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.

After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."

"Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?

Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.

When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.

Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.

Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."

Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.

Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.

"But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.

Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

Would you like to eat some African food?

So would they...