SOS Jokes

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."

- Charlie Chaplin

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

why do orphans like to be gay so they can call someone daddy

So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.

Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."

yo mama so stupid that she shit and farted on you asshole

Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.

Why do orphans always have an iPhone X or above?

So they don’t have a home button 🤙🏼

Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!

Your forehead is so big they call you the Leaning Tower of Forehead!

Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.

You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."

Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

yo mama so fat flash couldnt run around her