My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.
Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Q: Why are Americans so bad at clash royal? A: Because they lost 2 of there towers
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
Yo mama so UGLY... at the strip club... people pay her... to keep her clothes ON!!!
Your hairline is so close to Earth, it's 100 million lightyears away!
I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds", so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
My favorite animal is a cheetah so I hope the jokes are good
Why are Orphans so bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
