So jokes

yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"

I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to stop the Cold War with a heater.

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

THIS IS A RHYME

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.

Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,

and they had a little fun.

Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.

I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"

I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.

My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

Because they’ve already lost 2 towers.

Why does an orphan go to church? So they can call someone father and be loved.

I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.

Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.

Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.