Self-Will Jokes

Family

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Self-defense

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

Orphan

Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?

A: A family portrait.

School Shooter

The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.

Emo girl

Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?

Because every time they scan, it scans twice.

Emo

What do you say when an emo cuts themself?

"Like your cut, G."

Momma

Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.

Vein

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

Friend

My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."

So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.

Emo

What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?

Two beeps went off.

Self Harm

When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.

School

I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.

Orphan

Why did the orphan kill itself?

Because he's depressed about no family.