Secrecy jokes

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?

A blowjob is anonymous.

Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?

Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.

What does a spy do when he's cold?

He goes under cover.

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

What do you call 2 spies fucking?

Undercover.

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Keep this shit between you and me."

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

What do you call a cow that is secret?

AnonyMOOus.

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...

You are not alone.

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."