Secrecy jokes
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Keep this shit between you and me."
What’s the difference between kids and drugs?
I don’t hide drugs in my basement.
What do you call a cow that is secret?
AnonyMOOus.
THE HOOD
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?
A blowjob is anonymous.
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.
What do you call 2 spies fucking?
Undercover.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not leaked!
If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.