Secrecy jokes

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?

A blowjob is anonymous.

Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?

Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.

What does a spy do when he's cold?

He goes under cover.

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

What do you call 2 spies fucking?

Undercover.

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Keep this shit between you and me."

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

What do you call a cow that is secret?

AnonyMOOus.

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*

Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀