Secrecy jokes
What’s the difference between kids and drugs?
I don’t hide drugs in my basement.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Keep this shit between you and me."
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.
What do you call a cow that is secret?
AnonyMOOus.
What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?
A blowjob is anonymous.
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
What do you call 2 spies fucking?
Undercover.
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.