Scientist jokes
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a child?
Hot Wheels.
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?
Head and shoulders.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He lost WiFi connection.
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one liners?
He can't do stand-ups.
Stephen Hawking, more like ice cream!
"Did you guys make sure Stephen was plugged in?"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar...
MAN 1) Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
MAN 2) No.
MAN 1) Neither did he.
Stephen Hawking died because he rolled too far from the outlet.
Stephen Hawking is as broke as his legs.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.