Restaurant jokes
What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?
Panera bread serving food.
What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?
Panera sped.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?
Panera Fred.
What do you call it when you are very sad in Panera Bread?
Panera Dread.
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
Hello. What can I get you? A knife, mustard, Marella, gorilla?
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
McDonald's and the Twin Towers are alike. McDonald's has a drive-through, and the Twin Towers had a fly-through.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!