I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.
And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
What is burned dark and glued to the wall?
A bad electrician.
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
