Prevention jokes

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.

What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.

How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:

Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.

True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away!

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.