Playing Card jokes
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Why did the rapper refuse to play cards?
Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers.
Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?
'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.
The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.
The man asks, "Is it your first time?"
The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
The Ace of Spades was Hippy Flipping.
What's the best card in Clash Royale?
The Credit Card.
I played Uno with my Mexican friend.
That bastard took all the green cards!
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
