Playing Card jokes
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?
'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Why did the rapper refuse to play cards?
Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers.
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
