Phonetics jokes
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
Every time French people greet me, they say "banjo."
Nga, I don't got no fucking banjo.
Germans be like, “Guten Morgan.”
Bitch, that's not my name.
16 is a knight? Mail.
Say "I cup" but in words.
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.