Paramedic jokes

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

Yo mama so tall, she eats paramedics.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?