Oxygen jokes

Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?

OMg!

Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?

Because she got Avogadro's number!

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.