Outing jokes
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.