Outing jokes
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.