Outing jokes
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.
When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.