Outing jokes
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, out-standing performance.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.