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Outing

Outing jokes

An old man gets a call from the IRS.

The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.

The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

  • 8

    • So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.

    He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.

    Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"

    The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."

    The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.

    So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.

    I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻

    I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

    My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

    So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

    What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?

    The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

  • 3

    • When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

    Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

    Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

    Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

    Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

    One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

    The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

    "What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

    "Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

    Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"

    When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

    How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

    I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.