On hand jokes

Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.

Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.

And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.