Off jokes

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

A leaf and an emo fell off a cliff, who landed first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo.

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fuck.

Fuck who?

Fuck off!

Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.

Me: Me.

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.

Yo mama so fat,

she fell off BOTH sides of the bed!

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.

I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.

What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...

Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!

Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Not Stephanie!