Occult jokes

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

What do you call a really fat psychic?

4chin Teller

What's a witch's favorite subject?

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "Cancer?"

Doctor: "What a coincidence."

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.