No jokes

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!

Why can't an orphan be gay?

They have no one to call daddy.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.

Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.

Why can't orphans have babies?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

Why do orphans hate school?

No field trips. Parent signature_____________.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?

He didn't open it yet.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?

Because there is no ramp to heaven.

Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Not Bob.

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.

My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."