Modern life jokes

Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))

Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”

Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”

What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?

A: A virgin.

Uber driver: .........

Me: .........

Uber driver: .........

Me: 5 stars.

I'm an Alabama gamer and I wanna be free.

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.

Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.

Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.