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    Million

    Million Jokes

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    Case

    In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.

    Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?

    Barber

    1. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied: 
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!" 2. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." 3. A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?"
God said, "Sure, just a second." 4. Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"
Policeman: "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations."
Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average."
Policeman: "About a gallon." 5. A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." 
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?" 6. My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year." 7. After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside. 8. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.
I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend. 9. The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires... She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation." 10. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

    Titanic

    the titanic movie cost $200 million dollars to make, meanwhile the titanic ship cost $400 million to construct. Titanic was made by Paramount and 20th Century Fox. CHEAPSKATES!

    Africa

    If just Africa had more mosquito nets, millions of innocent mosquitos could be saved from a horrible death of AIDS

    Short jokes

    I went to a store to get milk but when I got home there was million cows waiting for milk so they killed me

    Little Johnny

    A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie? ” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

    Africa

    If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids

    Million

    There are 10 million million million million million million million millon particles in da universe that we can observe. Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd

    Slut

    Someone walks up to his dad and says Dad what’s the difference between potentiality and reality soo ok the dad says to the son go ask your mother sister and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for a $1,000,000 so the son comes back 5 minutes later and said dad they all said they would sleep with the postman so son petentilay we have a million dollars but in reality we have two slits and a gay one

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