30+ Many Times Jokes

How many times does 43 go into 8?

Get in the van and find out.

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?

They've been rear-ended too many times.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

A photo shows a doll that resembles an unborn baby next to text that reads: "If I was a girl, I would get pregnant as many times as possible, then have abortions after the third month of being pregnant so I would deliver a potato sized 1/3 developed dead fetus, then I would take the fetus, put it in a jar of preservative liquid and put it on a shelf in a secret room in my house, and I would do it until I had so many the rooms walls were nothing but potato sized aborted fetuses. Then I would have a kid and when they're bad I would make them sit in the fetus room and remind them of how easy I could have aborted their ass."

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

How many times does 42 go into 9?

Get in the van to find out.

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

How many times does 47 fit into 9?

Get in the van and find out.

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?

TEN-TICKLES

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

How do you know if a rapist loves you?

He will rape you many times.

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.