Longer jokes

Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?

How do you think Princess Diana died?

...Too soon?

Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?

Who cares?

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

What's longer than a penis?

About anything.

"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."

Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

My dick is longer than your life.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.