Lincoln jokes

No one:

Literally no one:

Abraham Lincoln: *dies*

John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*

At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.

Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with my beard." Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull."