Language Jokes

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual".

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human like structure, muffins lack brains which are an essential part to being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak. Thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

What does a cow say when he remembers something?

"I have deja moo!"

How does an American know that his time has come? He starts hearing Vietnamese.

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."

My sister keeps cursing... so I made fun of her... "fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk", fowl language is for chickens!

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.

I have sexdaily, I mean dyslexia, fcuk

The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

“Don’t sneeze”

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends I would always tell them “Don’t sneeze” and when I did they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed we laughed even harder.

Also,

“It dangles and swung” Language art quizzes are the best

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

I am only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet

I font know y

I make science puns, but only periodically.

What language do people at the center of the Earth speak?

Core-an (Korean)

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher. They said: you can't be a pro-grammer nazi.

Someone at school judged my grammar. I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

In Portuguese, "Trumpa" means bullshit.

A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.

A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"